Monday, March 30, 2009

I Love This Doctor

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wineand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Spring Utah Style

Last fall the kids and I planted about 350 bulbs in the ground. There is always that fleeting thought that they got planted up-side-down, but here is proof that we got it right; young weather changing blooms.Sweet-boy so excited to see the Daffodils, finally.
But then we turn around and see this coming our direction. Could all that wonderful sun of yesterday, the kind that tickled our noses and left a slight trace of spring pink to it, could that have all been just a joke?
Yes indeedy it was, winter is not ready to let go. This is the delight that awaited me as I opened my blinds this morning. Poor little guys are not liking that snow on their butter-cups.

We were just jumping on you, snow free and ice chunks melted. Blasteded 6 more weeks of winter, in Utah terminology that means that it could go on till June.

So for today I will put away my capris' and get out the warm coat again and keep dreaming of warmth, the kind that is not fleeting.
Happy Spring!

Friday, March 20, 2009

This is good for a laugh and some are the new proverb

A First Grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by First Grade students. Their insight may surprise you. Keep in mind that these are 6-year-olds, because the last one is, well a classic!

1. Don't change horses until they stop running.
2. Strike while the bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but How?
6. Don't bite the hand that looks dirty.
7. No news is impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new Math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the pigs.
13. An idle mind is the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's pollution.
15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is not much.
17. Two's company, three's the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and You have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26. Better late than Pregnant.

Have a great spring weekend everyone, school starts up again for me on Monday so I will be MIA again, but wish me luck I am on Week #4 and will be more than half-way done. My goal is to finish early before the seven week period comes so keep your fingers crossed.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

March Madness

I have never really thought much about the phrase "March Madness" till this particular March of my life.

I am deep into a class that although started out kinda hokey, is turning out to be a great mind bender. Finally all those years of working at LDS Hospital are paying off. Processes that I heard about, policies that we were tested on yearly, verbage that I have not used for eons is coming back to my consciousness and I am ace-ing the tests. It is like that gift of work experience is finally paying off and my box of knowledge that was buried deep in my mind is open and alive and enjoying being in the light again.....

But I am also seeing the cost that this experience is having on my family.

Dad just is not Mom.

Am I surprised about this realization?


I have attended BYU Women's Conference the last three years and come home to, well, less than desirable conditions. I know that my expectations are not the same as my husbands and my schedule is not the same, but still it is tough.

Friday was a no school day for me and I used the time to play with my kids. I missed them, I had not realized how much I enjoy being with them, bringing the craft box down and watching their creative juices flow, sitting with DQ and doing Pre-Algebra, jumping on the trampoline and trying not to break my neck. I miss that sense of time belonging to me and I wonder am I pushing life along too fast at the cost of what really matters most?

Do not get me wrong, I am really glad that I am doing this class. Come April I will have a degree that will allow me to be more marketable and also step right into a Nursing program if I so choose, but I am also wondering if the time is right?

But when is the right time?

I have always felt that my job in bringing children into this world was to be there to raise them. I know that not every situation allows for that to happen, however I do owe it to my kids to be there when they need me.


Flashback to high school.

I was voted the person most likely to never get married and never have children. I was going to conquer the world, be a CEO and have all the things that money could buy and forget all about men, they are the devil. As we all know that did not happen and when my daughter arrived on the scene all that changed. She became the center of my world, everything I did was for her and still is. One time I got a part-time job and had to go to all day orientation. So I left her with a daycare center and went off to orientation. When I came to pick her up she was still in her diaper of 9 hours ago and was still in her car seat. Had they not taken her out and played with her? The worst was that she would not look at me, she was so mad at me for doing that to her. She was only 8 months old too - she knew what I was doing and she was having no part of it. Needless to say that I quit the job and we suffered financially for a while longer so that I could stay at home. But I saw how important it was to be there, no one was going to do it better than me.

Fast forward to 2009.

People are loosing their jobs, homes are in foreclosure, life is scary and uncertain, no one is immune to financial disaster. Do I still feel that my certification is a good idea - you bet. But do I really want to use it by getting a job, not especially. I have a job, one that I chose almost twelve years ago and it is not going to end anytime soon. It is a job that no test could have told me I was naturally predisposed to, but one that I have grown into and love. My job is being a Mom and no matter what, it is the job that I need to be there to complete.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Dinner Group

The Man and I have been really lucky to find incredible people where ever we have lived.
This group is one of our favorites - the Dinner Group. We get together during the even months with everyone taking their turn hosting the dinner, we eat great food and spend the night laughing till we are silly.
Well last month it was open and we decided to go out and inflict, I mean enjoy a meal that someone else cooked.Thanks you guys, without you all, things would really be boring!!

Monday, March 9, 2009

5th Grade Fun

Drama Queen came home with an assignment, make a simple circuit.
I can help with the math but that is something that sounded like a good Daddy-Sissy project.
What I love about those two putting their minds together is that they come up with some really cool things.
So with a couple of trips to Home Depot and several switches, wires and light bulbs later they ended up with a working circuit. Now the fun really began. Drama Queen got out the Legos and began to form, something, but then it turned into a masterpiece.
A very proper Lego home for our little Lego man, complete with a mailbox and a tree in the yard.

Best part is that is lights up so cool in the dark.

Day of the showing all the 5th graders got to display their items. I went around to see what others had done and I still thought hers was the best. Definitely no favoritism here.

We have another great teacher this year and here she is. Thanks Mrs D for another fun event for the kids and the big kids too.

Friday, March 6, 2009

So am I any smarter?

I am back in school and one of my readers - yes Trooper Thorn I am talking about you, asked if I was any smarter yet?
Well, I may know more things then I did before and I have taken more tests than I care to again, but now it is time to put that knowledge into action. I have reached the clinical section and we are not even half-way done yet.

I think the most important thing is to look good no matter what you are doing.
Smarter, well maybe, I actually consider that I now know enough to really be dangerous, but bring on the long-term care facility.