Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Happy 12th Birthday

Happy Birthday!!!
See this beautiful girl, she is 12 years old today.

I cannot believe that it is really here. I remember holding her in my arms, this new little life and thinking that we had so much time to be together and my, how it has flown by.
So today I want to wish her a very happy birthday and let her know that my greatest joy in life has been to be her mom for the past 12 years.
She is my little sweet-pea and always will be.
Happy Birthday DQ!!!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Night Before the Night Before the Night Before Christmas Party

Every year we try to have our "Night Before the Night Before the Night Before Christmas" Open House and this year was no different. We opened our home to our new neighbors and ward friends and had a crazy but fun evening. The pile of shoes at the door show how many were in attendance.
Good friends guarding my piano and my Santa collection.

My Lemon and Lime culprits, then later in the evening the lemons and limes ended up back in the punch bowl.

Fun to see some hard working guys have a moment of fun and laughing with old friends.

All in all it was a fun night and I am glad that we did it, but it will take a year to recover and decide to do it all again next year.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Sunday thoughts.......

2009, when one looks back on a year does it ever seem to make sense, or does one just see alot of choices made in moments of panic?
How do I define all that happened in 2009?
That is something that I have been pondering, what do I look back on and remember the most about this year?
The answer to that question is also a hard one, for right at this moment I have regret.
Regret that I did not do enough, that I did not do all that I could, that I took so many things for granted, things that no matter what I do, can never be altered.
I also see times of sacrifice, intense joy, ultimate suffering, love beyond this life, moments that I hope will define me as a better person, moments of renewal, reunion and remembering things of long ago. It has been a year to say the least and one that in all my power will not be repeated, but there is also much hope in the year to come and dreams of peace for my soul.
But for today, I am wearing my heart on my sleeve, tears come easily and often, thoughts are constant in my mind and reminders of sacrifice for my behalf on the forefront of my being.
What was 2009 like for you?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Merry Christmas

I have been internetless for a while and see that I have seriously neglected my blog and email and facebook and all that. But for a while longer I am going to be missing in action as the holiday quickly approaches. You see, I want to spend time with my family, making memories, taking time to just be and doing things that make my heart happy. It is a hard time for me but I am so happy that things in my life are progressing ahead and there is much hope for the coming year.

So my wish to all is that you take the time this season to really look around you, see the many people in your life that mean so much to you and take the time to let them know. Truly the best gift is those that share this journey through life with us and help to make it bearable.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

Monday, November 30, 2009

What we have been up to....

Are you all sitting down?

Here we go again!

We are doing the move again to Boise.

I am hoping that this time it will stick!

After the passing of my mom, we took a long look at our life and decided that alot of it was not what we wanted. It was time to make some changes - MAJOR CHANGES! So we are taking charge of our lives and deciding things that we want rather than someone else making those decisions for us. So this week we are packing boxes and getting ready to move again - that makes three times in one year, but it is a move that we are really anticipating.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Time Again

Am I the only one that has noticed that the catalogs are filling my mailbox again.

I love it though, in my day we would get the Sears catalog and pour over the pages looking for the perfect thing for Christmas. Since I was the youngest I was the last to get that book and by then it was pretty marked up. But it still brings memories of childhood and dreaming of what I would get that year from Santa.

So now, I stack them in a pile on the coffee table and let the kids mark them up, watching as they are so excited about this toy or that gadget and helping me get into the Christmas spirit too.
So what do you do to get into the spirit?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Happy Birthday Dad!!!!

November is a great month as two of my favorite people have Birthday's.
My BFF and then my Dad.
So today I am wishing my Dad a most joyous Birthday ever.
I love you Dad and here are just a few of the reasons that I do......

You still love getting "TOYS" at Christmas and play with them as much as the kids do.

You raised me to love the Lord and cherish my family and I love having so many Temple Open House pictures with you and Momma C in them.

You are still a BIG kid at heart and love Lagoon as much as we do and are willing to go on the crazy rides with us.

Posted by PicasaYou are the favorite Grandpa and do everything you can to help me and my little family no matter the personal sacrifice.
My Dad came many times to Idaho to help my family while I was gone caring for my mom, without his love and help we all would not have made it.
Thank you Dad, I love you so much and am grateful to have you in my life and to be such an integral part of my little family's life as well.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Happy Birthday Nicole

Today is my BFF's Birthday. We are not going to mention how old she is cause I am older than her and we never discuss a ladies age..... ahmmm.

Anyway, IT is her Birthday and I just want to tell her how much I appreciate her after all these years with her top ten list.

Top Ten:

1 - She can laugh with me and cry with me but I know that I am NEVER being judged, just loved.

2 - She is an amazing cook and I love to come to her home, she always has something good to eat.

3 - We think alike that helps when I have trouble articulating words and she has her own language that I am privileged to know.

4 - She is an amazing person in all respects. She is so STRONG in her faith, she loves her husband and family fiercely and she is as loyal as anyone I know.

5 - She means what she says. You never do not know where you stand with her and I love that!

6 - She is real.

7 - After all these years, she is the one that I still want to call, text or e-mail all my lifes' worries to and she gets it and I can trust her with my story.

8 - She is the best roomie you could have and I love going to WC every year with her.

9 - She never gave up on me or our friendship, no matter what.

10 - She is my BFF, a gift I treasure daily and Thank Heavenly Father for blessing my life with.


Monday, November 2, 2009

Our Crazy Weekend

Drama Queen's School had a Fall Festival that we went to over the weekend. It was alot of fun for the kids, lots of games and candy and candy and more candy. The best part of the festivities was a game called "Make Your Own Scare Crow."
This is how it went.
The kids selected a hat and then ran to the next balloon on the fence- there they selected VERY LARGE pants and had to put them on. Then they had to run to the next balloon on the fence and get a VERY LARGE shirt on and run to the hay bale that had BIG CLOMPY BOOTS that they had to put on and try to run to the finish. I sat there and laughed my head off, that was the best idea that I have seen yet.

Sweet-boy was SO done but DQ did it again.
and again.
Then it was time for more sugar. They both won at the cake walk on the same turn.

After the spook alley it was painting of the pumpkins, very scary faces indeed.
It was a great day, plenty of sun, lots of sugar and fun, a great way to celebrate Halloween.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

What we have been up to.....

First we had to say good - bye to Grandma Jean, it was a beautiful service, with everyone saying what they felt in their hearts and a resting place that I think she will like - all except for the snow.Then it was on to some stress reducing for The Man. He is doing better as long as he takes his medicine, but no worries, I am an evil caregiver and I am sure that he is envisioning me as the pumpkin so I will stop making him take pills - HE HATES THEM.
Sweet-boy so happy with his pumpkin and ready to set it out and try out the candle.

All our Jack O' Lanterns ready for the big night. We will see in this apartment what happens, but I think we will have it all done before the sun goes down. Drama Queen's school is having a big carnival so we will get goodies from there. Ooooohhh, scary.

While I was away I thought it would be a good idea to send the kids and Dad something fun for them to do, so thanks to MindWare I was set. I got Sweet-boy a Soda Pop making kit and here they are concocting something fizzy.

It was definitely a work in progress and so funny to see Sweet-boy trying the mix as he does not try anything. It was worth it to see his squished up face.

Sweet-boy begged me to take a picture of his creation and place it here. I know not what it is, but he is very proud of it.
There is a lack of Drama Queen on this post. She has hit that "DO NOT TAKE MY PICTURE MOM!" stage so I am lucky that she sat in front of her pumpkin. Ah well, I will get her another time. So that is what we have been up to this week.
Thank you to all that have sent so many prayers, condolences and kind thoughts our way. I could not survive this without all that goodness coming my way.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Goodbye Mom

I am back home and as much as I am glad for my return I am so sad at what that means.... My Mom is no longer with us.

Back in August, on my mom's Birthday she got the news that she had Cancer. It was such a devastatingly blow to me, so many losses in my life already that I could not take one more, not one! But there it was in the call from my brother. So I did what I had to do, packed up my home in Boise, moved my family to Twin Falls and left to join my siblings in seeing mom.

It was so hard to see this feisty, spry woman who looked amazingly good, wear oxygen and be teetherd to a machine. To listen to her tell us her wishes for her death. It was all too much to imagine. And then there was the realization that mom wanted me to come and help her through this. Could I do it? Could I be the rock that mom so needed in her life at that time? Oh I felt utterly unprepared for this task, but my love for her and my need to not have any regrets were enough to make the sacrifice.

So I left my family behind in the hands of my husband and left to become my mom's 24/7 caregiver. I am not going to lie, she was hard, she was difficult and she made it very clear that she wanted things her way. My lesson was to learn to just say - "Yes Mom," and get it done. So many awful things that needed to be done; taking her to the doctor to hear the sad prognosis, going to the mortuary to arrange her funeral and helping her pick a casket, writing her obituary and beginning the process of closing out a life. There are times that I was certain that I could not handle one more moment, I wanted to run, far away and just ignore that this was happening. But I felt the prayers of so many friends, I felt the comfort of my Savior that I could do this, no matter how hard. How could I? Because in the end I loved my mom and she needed me.

Days went by and before my eyes she faltered. Each day was less then the one before, each moment became more precious. Her reliance on me more and more and the visits with Hospice closer and closer. Then one day, it was time to gather the family around and tell her - Goodbye. At first my one brother was so angry that I had caused so much trouble by gathering everyone - mom looked good. She did! She hid the battle that was raging inside her so well. She did not let on to how tired she was, how much energy it took to just move about. She was ever the consummate host. I told him to just wait, tomorrow you will see how much she has changed. Then he knew and we all gathered around mom.

She held on to make sure that loved ones had been talked to and then she nodded at me and said it was time to go. I sat with her, comforting her, swabbing her dry parched mouth and doing everything I could think to keep her comfortable as she fought this battle alone. Even though I was there that was the hardest part, knowing that she would do this alone. I could not go ahead and open the door, and make sure that her pillow was in the chair for her. She would be leaving me behind and doing it all on her own.

The night seemed to drag on and I prayed that soon, oh God, soon please come and take her from this awful battle. I selfishly wanted her to stay but because I loved her I prayed for her to go...... and oh how my heart aches for her.

I would like to think that mom looked out her window and saw that it was a cloudy, grey morning and decided that if she could not see the beautiful blue sky, the red-red rock and black of the mountain, then there was not point in getting our of bed and so she went to where she could see the blue- blue sky and she left us.

The moment she was gone, her home became a stranger to me. What was I supposed to do? For so long I had been running so hard, doing for her, attending to her needs that in the silence I did not know what to do. I am still wondering what I am supposed to do...... What does a child do when they lose their mother? I am only 40 and she is gone. My kids have lost such a great grandma. Many have lost a neighbor, ward member and dear friend and we are all heartbroken.

So I am home, looking at a mound of laundry that I should do, but I can't for my grief. I want to sleep and dream that for a moment she is not gone. But going to call at any moment and give me her advice and we will talk about the kids and mundane tasks of life and she will tell me before she hangs up that she loves me. But then I know, that will never be again.

So today I am numb. Today I am still so full of grief that it hurts to breath and I wonder if I am any good to anyone? But I will hang on and make it one more day, cause that is what she would have wanted for me, to go on one more day and then another and then another, cause that is what we did - celebrated that we had made it to one more day.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Gone for a while.......

See this amazing lady,
I am gone to spend some time with her, laughing,
talking and just remembering what it is like to be with my mom. I will catch you on my return.
Pray that my little family can handle mom being gone for a whole week - time for Dad to shine.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Simple Things

It was an average day, time for lunch.

So the man and I met at Costco to do two things: get a hot dog and drink combo and get him a card.

As we were walking out a woman coming in was smiling at us, she meet my gaze and I wondered what she was smiling at.

As we approached each other she stopped in our path and said the following,

" I love to see couples holding hands, you must be in love."

This comment stopped me, we always hold hands when we are out together and I never really think about it. Is it cause I love this man dearly or that we have been together so long that going with him and not holding his hand would seem like going outside without my sunglasses?

At any rate it made me wonder, is PDA just for the younger generation or do we have a better handle on what true love really looks like........♥

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Monument

Before He sent His children to earth
gave each of them
a very carefully selected package
of problems.

He promised, smiling
Are yours alone, no one
else may have the blessings
these problems will bring you.

And only you
have the special talents and abilities
that will be needed
to make these problems
your servants.

Now go down to your birth
and to your forgetfulness. Know that
I love you beyond measure.
These problems that I give you
are a symbol of that love.

The monument you make of your life
with the help of your problems
will be a symbol of your
love for me,

Your Father.

Blaine M. Yorgason

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Moving Day.....again

Things are all amiss in my home.
I have taken pictures off the walls.
I have lovingly put mementos and items that I have not seen for a long time back into the darkness of the box that they will call home for at least 7 months.My nice furniture has been wrapped with cling wrap in the hopes that they will stay nice looking through yet another move.
There are pathways through the house, piles of belongings that I will be putting away in a garage to wait for another time to come out again.

And amidst all this mess, there is some peace. Many people have said that this is really a raw deal. How can you handle all this? I do not know where the strength is coming from when I feel every fiber in my body scream out from lack of sleep, lack of proper nourishment and that feeling that this just might be the straw that breaks my back. But every morning I pull myself up off the floor and go back to packing, cleaning and moving forward to our next destination. How do I do it?

A friend sent this to me and I would like to share it with you......
She told a story about a boy and his mother. The mother was embroidering and the boy looks up at her from playing on the floor and asks what she's doing and that it really looks messy from where he's sitting. She explains that she's embroidering and that if he went to play then came back after a while she'd show him what it looked like on her side from her lap---this is like Heavenly Father embroidering our lives. Sometimes we look up and think, boy this is a mess, but if we have Faith that after a while we'll sit on his lap and see the beautiful side of the embroidering then we can make it through the messy parts of life.
This is my life, it is a big old mess, but in a while it will be beautiful again and I will be able to know that with my Father in Heavens' help that I made it through another rough spot and will have something wonderful to remember it by. The memory of a wonderful woman that gave me life, faught a good fight and found rest at the end of the road.
And so we go on........

Monday, August 31, 2009

Grandma Jean

My mom lived 5 hours away when we lived in Utah and we managed to go see her about twice a year. Since we are now an additional 5 hours away jumping in the car to go for a visit is a major undertaking, but one that we are now more apt to do. You see in the midst of packing up my home after the initial move to Idaho in June, we are slightly annoyed with this inconvenience and life is somewhat not too pleasant right now, but we have to go where the job is - that is the short and long of it. Along with all this turmoil, there has been an undercurrent of stress; my sweet mom, Grandma Jean, has been having health issues and ones that are not easily fixed by proceedures.
Today, we got the news that her time is now limited to months and I am in shock........ I have to deal with the realization that I will soon not be able to call her on the phone and talk to her, to ask her how to start the yarn on the needles when I forget it, that all my memories are going to go with her. I am finding that I wish that we had gone down more before this wake up call. I am finding that things that seemed so important before are not and that I need to get my family moved and settled so I can go and spend time with my mom. I am finding that relationships are more important then where I live, or if half our house is in storage, or that my life is not as rosy as I wish it to be. I am finding that it is the people that are in this journey called life with me, the people that I call family, friend, child, that hold my life, my love in their hands - that has suddenly taken on much more meaning to me.
I love you Mom!

Monday, August 24, 2009

And we do it all over again.......

What am I doing this week. I am getting ready to fill one of these again with boxes and dishes and furniture and our life and move all over again. Anyone know of someone in need of renting a 3000 square foot two story home, 4 bedroom, 3 bath with lots of closet space, in Boise, Idaho? It is in a great neighborhood with a elementary school, clubhouse and pool.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Our Excusion to Twin Falls

So as the summer is winding down and we are looking at having to move to another city, we decided to go visit The Man. He has been telling us about his nice room at a hotel and the kids and I packed up and crashed his pad for a few days. He needs to work and I guess I need to find another place for us to land in Twin...can I just tell you how much I hate looking for a place to live. But we have to make the best of this situation and so if going to a hotel is part of the deal then we will make the best of it, like going swimming for hours at the pool to wear out rambunctious kids.
We got some things we thought would sink but the best sinky toy for the pool was moms watch.
The plastic jacks just sat on the surface, but were still fun to gather, when they tired of diving for my watch.

The kids scoped out the room, selected beds and of course had to do the bed-bingo...bouncing from one to the other. I felt sorry for the people below us, but as it turned out there were lots of kids there during our stay, so who's to say it was us jumping on the beds......
One of the nights as were we driving around we decided to walk the rim of the Snake River. As you drive into Twin you have to go over an enormous bridge. To walk beneath the road and hear the cars zoom overhead is something, but to then to gaze out at the structure truly makes one wonder and wish they were there to watch it go up.

There were ski boats and fisher men in the river as we walked by, but all you can see is river going on and on.....

We walked until the path ended and the sun began its decent in the sky. It was a great evening, spent together just talking and being together. I know that we have done this before, the man gone working in another state, the kids and I following as soon as we could, but somehow it was easier, they were also so much littler. Now they know what is going on, they miss their Daddy and I miss having someone to defer to. Let's not even get started on the not sleeping issue. So as hard as this is, we want to get the move over with and get settled and hopefully stay put for a while, at least that is the hope. But I cannot think too far ahead anymore or I will get disappointed and I need to keep things going here. I have noticed that if I am down the kids are down and we might as well just go back to bed. There is too much to do, too much to really be appreciative about and as I tell the kids, "As long as we are together then everything is alright, no matter where we live, no matter what we have, our family is most important." So here's hoping that we can do that again in one place soon......