Sunday, February 8, 2009

A little rant and rave about the single scene

I was reading the blog of my sweet friend and she linked to this site called "Why mormon girls stay single".

So of course to help me understand why this adorable, funny, talented and incredibly successful lady is not married I visited this site. I read and the more I read the madder I got!!!

How can these young men be so cold?

I am sure that they are meaning this is good fun, but really. All the things that they listed such as, always being available, no facial hair and no strings attached when they want to get a little action but you really are just their friend?

What the....... Now who sounds like they are playing games?

Definitely the men here!!!

In one of their posts all the things that they mentioned in this day and age would not have gotten me anywhere. Lets show some examples:

1) When a guy calls with a last minute offer for getting together say yes.

Before we were married, the man called me an hour before a Christmas party that he wanted me to go to. An hour, are you kidding? I asked him how long he had known about the party, for two weeks, so if you had wanted me to attend with you, then I guess you would have asked me two weeks ago - answer was No!

So according to this post I would have been marked as not flexible, when in reality all I was asking for was respect. Respect of my time, respect that I was someone worthy of more consideration then an hour.

2) Paying for a date.

Okay on this one, I was very adamant about paying my own way due to there not being any hidden feeling that I was beholden to a man for anything. This was largely due to being burned way too many times by paying men. I also drove to the date so if needed those bathroom visits could turn into a great get-a-way to escape mister creepy. But these guys think that no matter the level of the relationship the woman should pay so as not to drain them of funds. Are you kidding me, when the man told me he loved me, he also told me that he wanted to take care of me, forever. I still offered to pay for things and did but that was the beginning of combining our lives.

3) Displays of affection.

First they thought that any sign of facial hair was an automatic reason to discontinue seeing you. Next, you might be a really good friend and someone that they did not have feelings for but they might still want to lock lips with you and did not see this as a problem. Does anyone else really feel like going and worshipping your husband right now. I mean come on, that is so how men mess with woman's emotions. We are just friends but come give me a kiss.

If I had to go back out there and date again, I know that the answer would be "NO". I have had thirteen years with someone that knows me, good bad or indifferent this is me and I am too old to change now. Then there is my kids, could I handle watching someone else discipline them, be with them - NO!!

I guess after reading all this and getting an idea why my sweet friend is completely frustrated with men in the single scene it also made me grateful for what I have. I am so glad that I have a husband that respects me, that did not treat me like a pal and mess with my emotions. Our friendship was honest from the beginning and through time developed into love, the kind that lasts and gets better with time. We have two amazing kids and a life that I marvel at. I cannot remember a time without him in my life and for that memory loss I am grateful for.

So ladies go and love your man, thank him for being in your life, cause if we found ourselves single I think we would all be very confused, the game of love has really changed since we were in it.


RhondaLue said...

I would NOT want to be single again for ANYTHING! It's a jungle out there and I'm sorry my daughter may encounter jerkfaces like that.

Heather said...

I agree with you 110%!

We've been married for 13 years, together for 14. I cannot imagine starting over, especially with three kids. No way.

Great post.

Alamodey said...

Reminds me of TAMN over at "Seriously So Blessed."

At least I hope this guy is tongue in cheek.

EmmaP said...

well - i *AM* single again, and let me tell you the dating scene is not pretty! Once I had a guy ask me "how far I was willing to go on a first date". Naively, I replied, "I guess anywhere between Provo and Ogden." Boy, have I learned a lot since then. I have also learned that MANY of the guys are too picky. They must think there is some ward out there with a bunch of tiny-waisted, perky-breasted, long-legged SINGLE blonde women. WRONG!!! The women out there - the GOOD women out there are ME!!! They look like ME!!! gimme a break!

As far as the kissing goes - guilty as charged. well - on a few occassions. I did go through a little "dry spell" in which I just wanted affection so bad. So - i did engage in a little NCMO a couple of times. However, then I dated the same guy for 6 months. Yep. No more NCMOs. And Yep. He ended up breaking my heart. But - i'm passed the NCMO thing now. Now my mission is finding Mr. Right, avoiding Mr. Wrong. All I can do is keep praying, and keep putting myself out there. I think "putting myself out there" is key though. I feel like I HAVE to make my own luck,. I have to create my destiny. I have to live my life. Ergo, I have to "look" for the men. But I do have my own rules to keep me safe too. Like you mentioned, driving myself to a first (or 2nd) date. I always let my best friend know where I am going to be. and she will call me and check on me if it's getting a little late and my car isn't home. so i love her for that.

funny Rhondalue mentioned "Jerkfaces". That is what I call my Ex. Actually, I can't stand saying his name, but I don't want to ever slip and sall him "JerkFace" in front of the kids. So, I named him J.F. instead. tee hee.

Anyway - sorry this is soooooo long. thanks for sharing!

Wendy said...

Yikes. Well said!

I'm shaking in my boots, though -- I've got a pretty 15 year old daughter -- what the heck is SHE gonna face?

Yikes again.

Busy Lady said...

That post makes me ill. I can't believe that men treat women like that! I guess it will be my mission in life to teach my 4 boys to be gentlemen and treat women like the ladies and daughters of God that they are. Then hopefully when my little princess gets old enough to date she will end up with a gentleman as well, if not I'm sure her 4 older brothers will kill that man that breaks her heart. Our poor single friends out there, I wouldn't be single again for anything. I think I will call my man right now and tell him how wonderful he is!!

Megan said...

Reading this post gave me the chills. I love seeing people in happy, healthy relationships like the one you have... it gives me hope of something to look forward to! Being single does suck, but I wouldn't trade it to be married to any of the less-than-gentleman boys that I've dated. I'm holding out for a man... one with a heart AND a brain. I hear they still exist... and I'll hold out as long as it takes to find a great one :)
Thanks for this post. I loved it!

Tiffiney said...

no i am soooo not ready to be single again...i just back into this game a few years ago..and i am soooo not quitting it!!!! cute post! :)

Jennifer P. said...

Uh, yeah it has!!! I'm glad I've found someone who is really up front with me. Who is willing to take a lot of extra time to make sure it's right. Who's willing to answer every question I ask of him--no matter how nosey or forward.

Don't know what's going to come of it, but I know that I am for sure not one who wants to take up any of my limited, precious time dating guys who are just so obviously losers and players. I'd rather be alone, thank you very much!