Monday, October 6, 2008

The middle wife

I recieved this as an e-mail and wanted to pass it along to all of us who are teachers in our own right. Ihope it makes you smile!
The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday'.

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!'

Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.

'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'.

(Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.'

(Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'

(This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.

Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along..


Elena said...

That sounds like something one of your kids might do for show and tell. LOL! I will NEVER forget your daughter's death of a brother. Too funny!

Busy Lady said...

This story sound familiar... Too funny!! I get a lot of these type of stories at preschool and I should really bring a camcorder into class too. The only problem is that the one time I had a camcorder going (to record the day for a little girl who was in the hospital having surgery) the kids started telling "prison stories". I don't know where they got their information but it was really too much!! I hope you are having a good day and the kids are behaving

Heather said...

Thanks for your sweet sweet comment on my blog today. It is so good to get affirmation from other moms. I always say that I'll get sleep when I'm dead, too. Too funny!

I don't think I commented on your Friday post, but I loved the hair! Did it stay up all day? I have got to show my daughter that!

pawlyandsandy said...

LOL! That is hillarious! It should be read by all expecting mother's, so they can understand what the delivery is going to be like! That was so funny! Thanks for sharing it.

Pennies In My Pocket said...

"Mom's play center" -- OMGoodness I'm dying. This is HILARIOUS!


illahee said...

oh my goodness, that is ADORABLE!!

thanks for the visit today via BATW!

EmmaP said...

so funny! i got this in an email once. Just as funny the second time around! thanks!

Mrs. X said...

That was too much! :) I am SO going to e-mail this to all the moms I know.