Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Hind Sight

As most of you know we moved to Boise in June. The Man got a job with the company that first got us to move to Boise back in 1998. It has been wonderful to fall back into the slower pace of Boise. To see old friends again and renew those friendships. It has also been a blast to be just down the street from my BFF. There is nothing like talking on the phone for an hour about nothing even after we just spent the morning together. Even though we have been here such a short time it feels like home, a place where we can really see ourselves for long term. I almost think that is really something that we will never have. I think the longest that we have stayed in one place was our West Jordan, Utah home and that was five years.

As we settled in and unpacked boxes, the rumblings began. The Man was frustrated with the work set-up. I do not blame him, having three people think they are your boss and telling you three different things is enough to make anyone INSANE. But for my man, it was really difficult. Then there was the un-spoken expectations that were not met and then as with most companies the word from above that non-revenue generating positions were going to be eliminated. The BIGGEST reason we took this position was for the stability of money. We have done commission for so long that I wanted....... no we needed the stability of something to rely on. Yes, I think commission is great but the good months are few and far between and just try telling the bill collector that it was a slow month. So needless to say that last one hired is always the first one fired. So he and a few others were notified that their positions were being eliminated. They have given us the option to take a Sales Position in another city, but it requires a long commute for my hubby and us moving again.

Is that why I did not unpack every single box?

Is that why I began to feel the need to keep our boxes?

Is that why I have begun to feel sad?

Why, when everything about this move felt so right?

Why when I discussed this decision with the Lord did I feel it was what we needed to do?

Why yet again do I have to face my children's' faces, as they are making friends and settling in and tell them that we have to do it all over again?


Then I remember that He said the road was going to be long, it was not going to be easy, but together we could do it! I guess that in remembering that, I feel better about things. He has a plan for us, even though I feel that we are just a lost ship being tossed about on the sea's. He does have a reason and maybe in a year I will see it; maybe I will never see it but there is a reason for things in our life. That is what I have to hold on to. That no matter what my address is, my family is still together. That no matter how many times I move my belongings it is another step in my journey through life that either makes me better or helps me loose 10 pounds from the physical exertion. That in the end it is just a move, it is just stuff and that as long as I support my husband, love my family and be the best that I can, He will help in my shortcomings.

At least that is what I am telling myself today.
Tomorrow might be the day that I start to cry.........and can't stop for a while. But even in the sorrow that I feel for yet another loss - this is life and it is our roller-coaster and really I would not want it any other way.


Saunders Family said...

I am so sorry! I've been dealing with the same type of situation, and I really loved reading your perspective. I wish I could have as much faith as you and not grumble so much. Thanks for being such a great example and I will definately keep you and your family in my prayers!

Aubrey said...

That totally sucks. Will you get to stay close enough to Boise to still see your firends a lot? Then it couldn't be too bad and at least it happened before school started and not after.

Good thing your kids are still young enough (not sulky teenagers quite yet) to still make friends quickly. I survived all the moving when I was younger and I'm socially retarded. ;) But it's still not fun picking up and starting again so soon.

EmmaP said...

oh my word. thank you for posting this. my trials are definitely different, but i have been asking the "why? Why, when it felt so right?" questions. this has been what i needed to read today. Just had myself a good cleansing cry... thanks! :)

Elena said...

OH my dear Queenie friend...this makes my heart hurt!! Unless, of course, this move is to my town, then I'd be HAPPY! (And I even have built in friends for your little darlings.) No...really, I'm SOOO sorry. I'm praying for you. Maybe you'll luck out and find something stable there and not have to move at all. Hang in there lady. You have my number call me! (I love those hour long chats about nothing!)

pawlyandsandy said...

Grrrr, what crazy times!! You sound like you have such faith that things will be ok. I'm kinda hoping that maybe there is another Boise job opportunity that could work for you. But we'll see right? I'll keep you in my prayers. If you need help or anything, just call. :)

Hang in there friend!

Heather said...

T, I so feel for you. In the first years of our marriage, Joe and I moved several times, and there wasn't one place that really felt like home. When we moved to our current house, I was determined that it would be our "forever house".

Of course, only God knows if that will be the case.

I admire your strength and your faith. I know that God works for the good of those that love Him, and that everything will work out for you and your family. Maybe your husband will get a job in Cincinnati and y'all will be our neighbors :)

Busy Lady said...

I'm so sorry about all of this. You are in my prayers daily - more than one time a day. I know things are going to work out for you. The Lord works in mysterious ways and none of us really know what he has in store for us but maybe he is trying to get a message to you guys. I don't know what that message is, pray about it and you will know. Just know that I am here for you no matter what, to help pack, to cry with, or if need be a place to crash for however long....

Melanie said...

You are the Queen for a reason! You have a titanium crown and a heart of gold.

Won't it be great to look back and see how this moment all fits in to your life puzzle? Each piece is important. I'm grateful your piece fit with mine off here in the brief corner:)

All the same its okay to cry. I'm sure your tears sparkle Queenie!

FYI- have you heard about all of the thefts in our neighborhood lately? Yikes!

Alli T said...

I'm sorry to hear about your heartache. And, unfortunately, I can't add to your already vast expanse of wisdom :) I guess, just keep on keepin' on! Somehow, it really will all work out - and hopefully it won't require another move ;)

Megan said...

What a crazy learning experience, eh. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you guys. I hope everything works out well... it will.

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