Monday, July 28, 2008

Monday Sadness

I have missed alot.

After my all nighter, I realized that I needed to take a break, re-acquaint myself with the family and spend some time in natural light. This is what I missed, I suddenly received comments from people that found me here under the "Saucy Blog" section. What an honor that someone like me could make it to the big leagues, and I missed it. But thanks for visiting my fellow SITS sisters.


Today, I have the day off from being a mom.

I love being a mom, it is something that I knew I would struggle with, (I am not the nurturing type and my pregnancies were something out of the movie ALIEN). But from that first moment I saw my kids, I vowed that I would do anything for them. And as Grandma says, I do!!!

But thankfully I also get a day to remember what it feels like to keep a thought in my head, to only have to make one breakfast and what it feels like to wake up on my own and not with a face in mine asking if I am awake yet?

It is heavenly but it is also sad too.

What do I do with myself, my time and above all it is so quiet. No yelling, no lists of chores to be done, no deep sighs from me, just me and the chiming clock on the wall. I find myself talking to the computer screen, the laundry, the air and I wonder am I going insane or have I lost the ability to be alone? I also ponder what it will be like in 4 weeks when my little ones' head out the door for another year of learning? This is the first year that both will be gone all day and with that knowledge I am a little sad. I have dreamt of this day for so long and now that it is on the horizon I am sad. It is such a turning point where you are not the center of your children's lives, that they do not need you all the time anymore, that they are growing up. That realization is a hard one to take..........and so on this sunny Monday, there is a small cloud over my world. Ten years has gone so fast, but I knew that this would come and yet I guess deep down I wished that it wouldn't. Where has all the time gone.........?


Lynda said...

Congrats on being featured at SITS! Girl, as the mom of a teen, enjoy every, single moment of peace and quiet you have now. This is God's way of filling your tank for later when your "peace" reserve is running low... and it will. Visualize them with the car keys in their hands and you know they either a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Peace and quiet are also blessings. Don't fret :-)

Jennifer P. said...

I don't like thougts like that either----boo hoo!

But hey!--being on SITS had to have cheered you up some ;)!

elena said...

I understand completely. It's like time is spinning out of control and there is nothing I can do about it. This is something I have been struggling a lot with lately. I'm having a REALLY hard time with the idea of my babies not being little anymore. Not fair at all is it?

fennbunch said...

I completely understand how you feel. My baby is leaving to go to Kindergarten in a few weeks and I don't know what I will do with myself. What I am having a really hard time with is that my oldest will be gone in 2 short years. Boy, are we getting old!

Heather said...

Found you through SITS...don't you just love being "Saucy"?!

This post spoke to me; I am in the same spot as you...all three of my babies will be at school this year. And although school brings a different kind of hectic-ness to your life, it's not the same as having them at home all to yourself. Give yourself a month or so, and you will be wondering what you were so worried about.

Love your blog!